From the moment we said goodbye I already missed you, I knew from that moment what you really meant in my life. As I moved away from you, I began to be me, a sensation that frightened me, I was afraid and I wanted to run back to the protection of your arms and tell you that I regretted flying, however, I remembered my dreams and it happened as is you told me; that these would give me the strength to continue walking in the moments in which we feel collapse.
While flying I remembered the sweetness of your caresses when you groomed my hair, the stories you read to me and the songs you sang to me to sleep, the soft feeling of your hands in the early morning on my forehead, especially when I was sick. At the same time I remembered our conversations in the kitchen at breakfast and everything you helped me to find what I really wanted to do with my life, while you confessed your mistakes as a mother and told me about your secrets, telling me that you did this so that I knew who he was. I cried and cried remembering all this.
You know mom So far I begin to understand what your morning confessions embodied months before we separated, and I know what this represents to me. In my adolescence I felt that I hated you and I wished in many moments that you were not my mother, I hated your submission to my father and yours (my grandfather), and it caused me to hit you so that you would understand that you should respect you, I wanted you to change and even reached Want another mom, like my best friend's. I did not understand that you did not realize, until you told me that your mother was the same, also some of your sisters and your grandmother (the mother of your mother). At that moment I knew how complicated it must have been for you to get out of that circle and how brave you have been. You could face the monster that terrified you most since childhood and overcame fear, apart you put the courage to make and make the decisions you had to execute.
I know that many of the mistakes you have made as a mother come from the violence that you have suffered and I thank you for sharing the plot of your life, the fact that you have recognized these mistakes, has taught me of your determination and at the same time of the love that You feel for me, since I understand that recognizing your mistakes is an expression of it, being able to put aside your mother's pride.
I wanted you to love me in a way and force you to do it this way, that made me feel angry, I thought you didn't love me until I conceived that my belief in love was selfish when I thought I was the only one. Now I recognize that your love was always there, only that it hid behind your pain.
I understand that you made with me the same mistakes you learned from your parents, it was what you knew, however you have known how these were the ones you needed to learn and be able to fulfill your mission in this existence. Thanks to your learning, I will no longer transmit the same conflicts to my children. Although I know that I will not be free to commit others, but if I do, you taught me that with my own love and understanding, I will be able to transform any fault perpetrated; and that, even so, I am not exempt from committing them, because my descendants will need to learn the same. In addition, you told me that the only thing a mother is not mistaken is to give her children an unconditional love and in full freedom. Thanks to your recognition I can form a different family, free of violence and physical abuse.
Besides, you have explained to me that I need to delve inside me at the least inconvenience suffered. With your example, by overcoming a cancer, you have taught me that unconscious pain is the source of any conflict, minimal, or severe, like the one you suffered. You have transmitted to me that others are only a projection of what we keep inside, that's why you mistreated yourself through my father and that he was also a child violated with the overprotection of his mother (my grandmother Juana), also that the ferris wheel Violence was only broken if we became aware, understood, forgiven and used those feelings and events to transcend our lives and, as a reflection, heal the history of the family tree. You explained to me that that meant alchemy. In the same way, you told me that when you are more afraid of pain, it is more potentiated, and instead of running away, what we need is to look for where it is and face it with awareness. And that the devaluation was the hammer that buried us in the world of vehemence. Thanks to the above I have been able to forgive my father and be compassionate to him.
So, mom, now I know that you are the perfect mother, the one I chose to help me evolve as a human being and be able to carry out the mission that God or divinity has given me to fulfill in this life.
I hope I have understood your messages and teachings that have made my wings with your model. I already have a reason to live, many dreams to conquer, a path to travel, I know my history; the one that will help me to face with conscience along with the courage you gave me, to any monster that dares to present itself.
Thank you, mom, for recognizing your past, your truth, and being reborn from the ashes; Because of this, now I can fly towards my dreams, otherwise my destiny was to stay by your side taking care of your dad and maybe swimming in the bitterness of unfulfilled dreams.
Thank you for teaching me to fly and understand who I am!With all my love,
Apart from the book: "Behind the curtains."